My not-so-pretty testament of quietly battling mental illness for three decades ‘word vomits’ my past, my fears, my sacrifices, my alcohol addiction, my pain, my secrets, my mental disorders (a.k.a. my mental cocktail) and my desires. It is my courageous way of telling the masses I am not ok; because I believe that airing our inner dirty laundry will help others do the same.
The end product (a book), however, was not my intention from the get go. My body and soul were just struggling so much with my mental cocktail that the blatant urge to sit down and start typing out all the ugly thoughts was irresistible.
I was in a desperate state. The release I felt by writing down all the negative feelings, the shame within, the fear of sobriety, the angst of depression and the confusion of living, was so relieving that I continued to write every day for four months straight. And although the writing in itself was healing it also made me feel validated as I was able to put my stories to paper and make them tactile. To do this meant the stories of the past and the feelings inside were real and not imaginary and this helped to release inner shame.
Sixteen months later, after I opened a blank sheet on my screen for the first time, I am sober, I have (finally) received psychiatric help and my life feels worth living (something I haven’t consistently felt in over sixteen years).
Memoir-like writing as a means to heal is not a new concept. Diana Raab, Ph.D. an expert in helping others transform and become empowered through creativity, says this:
“In simple terms, a transformation may be defined as a dramatic change in one’s physical or psychological well-being. It’s about becoming more aware of and facing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Crafting a memoir about our personal narratives can lead to self-realization and a sense of empowerment.
The reason is that, during the writing process, we’re moving our feelings from inside of us and onto the page; and like therapy, it can help us work through our challenges. Writing can also be transformative because it helps us gain a better understanding of ourselves. With that understanding comes deeper reflection and consequently, a more profound sense of harmony.
We transform when we write about our lived experiences because writing helps us make sense of them and also reminds us of the lessons we’ve learned along the way. Sometimes when looking back at a life event, it’s easier to see it in the grand, universal spectrum of life rather than as an isolated experience.
Events change us, and those that transform us the most may be thought of as pivotal or life-changing. These situations may involve the loss of loved ones, evolving relationships, becoming a parent or grandparent, sexual relationships, and meaningful conversations with others. Many of these subjects can lead to further exploration in our writing.
Writing our memoirs can help us reclaim our voice after it’s been taken away or silenced by difficult circumstances or traumas. Finding our voice as a way toward healing can lead to huge leaps in transformation. Some people find it useful to write as they move through chaotic or difficult times, but more often than not, a certain distance from the event offers a better perspective.
Another transformative moment in the memoir-writing journey occurs when writers try to get their memoirs published. When they do so, they continue to transform, because they learn how others also may have become transformed by their words, especially if their stories resonate with readers who might have had similar journeys. Ultimately, healing, transformation, and empowerment are all parts of the same path—leading to self-awareness, self-discovery, and growth.
In addition to being transformative, reflection is what sets memoirs apart from other forms of writing, such as straight journalistic reporting. Writing a detailed summary of our life stories is important, but what is most transformative about the memoir-writing process is being able to reflect on our experiences, what we might have learned, how we were changed, and how we feel at the present time about what we’ve gone through.
To sum up, writing memoirs is transformative because memoirs:
Create a sense of well-being
Relieve stress through the act of writing them
Provide a container for our thoughts
Increase self-awareness
Foster self-discovery and personal growth
Help us focus our thoughts
Enable us to cultivate a relationship with our higher self
Give us the freedom to let go and accept that we might not find all the answers
Provide a space for us to process and release negative emotions
Shift our overall outlook
As with any ritual or practice, the best results occur when you write with a sense of continuity and regularity, as doing so will result in a more profound sense of self-awareness. The deeper you go, the more transformative your experience will be. And just like everything else in life, you’ll get out of it what you put into it.”
The act of Word Barf, an extension to memoir writing, is to be messier, more emotional, unafraid, or even angrier, and to turn those yucky emotions (or trauma) either into words (to a trusted person) or on paper to validate the emotion and release it from your soul.
Word barfing is the appendage to the body that is the diary.
